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Surviving Infidelity & Cheating Husband, Wife

Infographic offers facts about cheating: Why, with who, for how long
Some facts about cheating and infidelity. The more money a husband makes, the more likely he is to be unfaithful (more money brings more opportunity and wealth tends to attract more women). 98% of men have fantasies about a woman other than their partner. Husbands are much more likely than wives to be serial cheaters.
(holykaw.alltop.com)

                             

 

Women have affairs in early 30s to maximise chances of reproducing
Researchers have found that women are more likely to stray when they enter their 30s as their biological clock starts ticking. Women perceive the age to be the beginning of their last opportunity (as fertility begins to wane) for them to catch a good man to father their children. It also co-occurs with them reaching their sexual peak and when they are most likely to have the most chances to have an affair. Men are sleeping around most in their late 20s. The conclusion was made after Dr David Schmitt collected data on the sexual habits from 48 countries across the world.
(telegraph.co.uk)

Why cheating estimates vary so much - And infidelity trends
If you cheated on your partner, would you admit it to a researcher? That question is one of the biggest challenges in the study of marriage, and it helps explain why different studies get different infidelity rates. For example, in a 2007 study researchers surveyed 4,884 married women, using face-to-face interviews and anonymous online questionnaires. In the interviews just 1% of women said they had been unfaithful in the past year; online over 6% did. At the same time, surveys in sources like women's magazines may exaggerate the adultery rate, because they suffer from selection bias: the responders may be more likely to report infidelity.
(nytimes.com)

10 things to consider before confessing to an affair
(1) Infidelity is not that common: A 2006 survey of 46,000 persons showed that 20% of married men and 10% of married women had strayed during marriage. (2) If there is no way that your partner will find out about your one-night stand, and you want your relationship to survive, honesty may not be the best plan. (4) If the affair is on-going and there is a chance that someone else will tell your partner, come clean. A one-night stand might be forgivable, but lying never is. (10) Only 3% of 4,100 high-powered, but unfaithful, men divorced their wives and married their lovers. And of those new marriages 75% ended in divorce.
(timesonline.co.uk)

"Pretty happy" marriages twice as likely to have an affair as "very happy" marriages
Couples who report "pretty happy" marriages are twice as likely to have had an affair as those who have "very happy" marriages, says a study. Those who report "not too happy" marriages are 3 times more likely than the "very happy" to have an affair. Only 25% of men said they had "lots of marital problems" before an affair. So, how happy is happy enough to avert extramarital temptation? Ed Diener says people today seek "ultra-happiness" - they expect love to always be romantic and thrilling. Douglas Snyder isn't convinced that boredom is to blame. He says it's a lack of closeness and passion. "People can become distant in their marriage and interpret that as boredom."
(usatoday.com)

Infidelity products: Infidelity spies and gadgets get smart - And are really popular
If you're having an affair behind your partner's back, it won't be the lipstick on your collar or the hotel receipts that give you away. New spy gear can read every text message you've sent or received (even the deleted ones) as well as listen in on all your conversations. It all sounds like gadgets from a James Bond movie, but Craig Mitchell is having trouble to keep up with demand. "We have difficulty keeping stock up with the SIM Card Recovery Pro. The beauty of that product is that it can read deleted messages off a SIM card. But our biggest seller, when it comes to infidelity products, has always been the CheckMate kit which is a semen detection kit."
(theaustralian.news.com.au)

Right kind of affair can be a positive thing claims book "When Good People Have Affairs"
Marriage therapist Mira Kirshenbaum claims the 'right kind' of affair can be a positive thing, jolting people from their inertia. The author of "When Good People Have Affairs" argues that because society has failed to have a sympathetic discussion of infidelity, the positive sides of cheating have been ignored. However, she insists that most cheating spouses should never confess, because disclosing the infidelity is more damaging than keeping quiet. Most womanisers are good, kind people who are seeking real happiness and love, she argues.
(telegraph)

Poll: Infidelity is common knowledge in the America
54% of Americans know someone who has a cheating spouse, according to a poll. That's more than twice the rate in 1964, when 24% knew someone with a cheating spouse. The findings show times have changed, but whether there are more affairs or whether people just talk about it more is still a question. "My inclination is that there has not been a change in the actual behavior of people, but there has been a change in the inclination of people to discuss it," says David Barash. Tiffany Olson agrees: "People are more aware of other people's affairs. They're not keeping them a secret."
(usatoday)

Site Connects Cheating Spouses - "When monogamy becomes monotony"
Most extramarital affairs are kept secret, but a probe found hundreds of married Valley residents going for a secret rendezvous. The Ashley Madison Agency is a website for people in committed relationships with a desire to cheat. Its motto: "When monogamy becomes monotony." On the site, married people are placing their desires right out in the open: sexual fantasies, turn-ons, even how far they're willing to go with strangers. -- One woman said she's been married for two decades and wants to grow old with her husband, but feels lonely because he travels a lot. In the last 4 months, she's had 10 dates. She's had sex with 3 of them.
(kpho)

How I found out he cheated: Caught in the act, Someone told me
I went home one weekend to visit my family. I was due back on Monday, but I changed my flight to Sunday to surprise my boyfriend. I used my key to get into his place, where I saw a rose petal trail leading to the bedroom. I thought he'd found out that I'd returned early, so I threw on lingerie and climbed into his bed. That's when he and another woman stumbled into the room. --- After a week away with my friends, I was thrilled to see my man again. That night, we were in bed when my feet got caught in something. I pulled out a pair of panties, then dropped them in horror as he looked at me blankly.
(iol)

Lack of sex with my husband is driving me to infidelity
I am 38 and have been faithfully married for 15 years. In the early stages of our relationship the sex was fantastic. But I hate him for inflicting a marital situation on me in which we live as little more than brother and sister. For the past seven years he has virtually never initiated sex, saying he`s too tired (I work full-time too) or needs to feel good to feel sexual. When relaxed he chooses TV or reading rather than making love. Physical affection between us is minimal. I`ve tried everything to kick-start our sex life: I make an effort with my appearance, to no avail. Now I have met someone else...
(timesonline)

The chance that infidelity will intrude on a relationship in the genes
The chance that infidelity will intrude on a romantic relationship may be written in the couple's genes, study says. The results suggest a DNA test could tell a man the rough chances his female partner will cheat on him, though it wouldn't work the opposite way. As the proportion of MHC genes the couple shared increased: "women's sexual responsivity to their partners decreased, their number of outside sexual partners increased, and their attraction to men other than their primary partners increased." Infidelity touches about half of all couples according to infidelity researcher Shirley Glass.
(indiatimes)

Painful experiences having relationships with married men
I was 22 and took up with an older married co-worker. We were deeply in love and the sex was fantastic. He made me feel appreciated, something nobody I dated had ever done. The only problem was he wouldn't leave his wife. He didn't have kids but still found many reasons to avoid making a commitment to me. This went on for a year and a half. People found out - we became a laughingstock at work. I thought that if I were a better person then maybe he would leave his wife, and I spent time beating myself up over what I could do to make him leave.
(msnbc)

Infidelity myths
The people who are running from bed to bed creating disasters for everyone don't seem to know what they are doing. They just don't get it. But why should they? There is a mythology about infidelity that shows up in the popular press and even in the mental health literature that is guaranteed to mislead people. Myth 1: Everybody is unfaithful, it is normal, expectable behavior. We don't know how many people are unfaithful. If people will lie to their own husband or wife, they surely aren't going to be honest with poll takers. And most people are faithful most of the time.
(psychologytoday)

A right time to fool around?
Some men cheat on their partners. So do some women. Now researchers say it is more than a wandering eye that might cause a woman to stray. Feelings of lust actually may be rooted in women's biology. Studies suggest an evolutionary tendency toward infidelity during ovulation, which is the most fertile part of the menstrual cycle.
(usatoday)

How to deal with a cheat and power in a marriage
My Husband Is a Cheat. -- Your husband is emotionally terrorizing you, because you have handed over all the power in the relationship to him. If you don't want a divorce, then you have to get some power back and that will definitely increase his respect for you, which may just bring him into line. Not only would it be a necessary step to saving the relationship, it will be essential for resurrecting your sense of self something you need in any relationship.
(psychologytoday)

What Do Women Really Mean When They Say They Are Unhappy?
The one consistent factor is the sense that women are more `naturally` monogamous than men. A new report challenges that theory. Michelle Langley conducted research over a 10-year period that indicates that women do, in fact, cheat as much as men. Even more surprising, Langley says marriage and fidelity may be more difficult for women than it is for men because men who marry in their mid to late twenties are moving away from their sexual prime; whereas women of the same age are just beginning to move into theirs.
(prweb)

Adultery on My Mind - Passion vs Marriage
I have been married to a fantastic man for 15 years, a faithful and kind husband. But I am always thinking of having sexual relationships with other men. I have not done it, but it's bugging me all the time. -- The confusing emotions often generate a dilemma: should I protect my marriage and family or should I honor my passion? Sexual desire often represents something bigger than itself. Especially if you have been a loving wife and attentive mother, the limitations of that role may finally start to make themselves felt. I would suggest looking at the whole of your life...
(beliefnet)

How to Catch a Cheating Partner
If you think your partner is cheating on you and feel that you have a reason to be suspicious you may be able to do a little creative detective work on your own. You should make sure that you are prepared for the answers you may receive. (1) Review the credit card bill each month to search for suspicious charges. (2) Another deceptive way is to ask questions about where they are going and take note of the mileage on the odometer before they leave and after they return. -- Catching a cheating partner may not be a pleasant experience but it is better to find out the truth sooner than later.
(articlecity)

10 Things to Know Before Dating a Married Man
There are no positive reasons for dating a married man. Even the good reasons don't stand the test of time and turn out to be bad ideas in good ideas' clothing. If you find yourself on the brink of temptation, look at these 10 truths before you leap: (1) He won't commit to a future with you. (2) Cheating on his wife tells you how he deals with any situation he doesn't like.
(couplescompany.com)

Emotional Infidelity: A Love Affair or Just Friends?
Here are a few observations of the "just friends" emotional affair: (1) This person often struggles knowing where to draw the line. S/he often throws him/herself into something 100%. Other aspects of his/her life may suffer or be ignored. There often is a lack of personal balance between family, work, self care. -- The lover or "falling in love" emotional affair has a different twist.
(ezinearticles)

Couples grappling with infidelity may benefit more from marital therapy
She didn't talk about her feelings until halfway through therapy, when she dropped a bomb: She was having an affair. Her husband was devastated. But as they discussed her confession, the couple began to talk more openly than they had in years. The wife's revelation may have saved the marriage. Couples grappling with infidelity may benefit more from marital therapy than other couples provided that the cheating partner comes clean. Study shows men and women who had had affairs and kept the fact from their spouse failed to make much progress after several months of counseling.
(PsychologyToday)

Saving a marriage with adultery
She has gotten her life under control and is doing much better. One of the side effects of the medication is a complete loss of interest in sex. She is still loving and affectionate, but her libido is nonexistent. Divorce is not an option. My children are my life. In addition, my wife needs me and I take the `for better or worse` part seriously. More importantly, I love her. In short, I am looking at forgoing sex for the rest of my life.
(MetroTimes)

Advice: The Things My Wife and Her Lover Did
Advice on rebuilding trust with a cheating wife and how to find a loving (non-abusive) husband. My wife cheated on me for nearly a year before I caught them. We got past it and have, over many years now, strengthened our marriage. However, while we were working things out my wife divulged that she had done certain sexual things with him while they were lovers. Two of those things she had steadfastly refused to do with me. This is one area of the affair for which she could not provide any logical explanation.
(Psychology Today)

Advice: How to Handle a Cheat
What makes infidelity humiliating and estranging is keeping secrets from a partner -- but what makes it really hurt is the partner's interest in emotional or sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Your boyfriend is clueless that he inflicted emotional pain on you. Repairing the damage takes work, and it requires him not merely telling you he's sorry but working to demonstrate it.
(Psychology Today)

The urge to infidelity ... it's in her genes
One woman in five in Britain is likely to be unfaithful to her partner, thanks to her genes. One of the largest ever sexual surveys -involving 1600 pairs of twins - has revealed that 40% of female infidelity can be explained by heredity. US scientists recently identified a "fidelity gene" in a vole: one form of a vasopressin receptor gene determined whether the animals were monogamous or promiscious. The London team tried to link the same gene with human behaviour, but found only that a number of genes might be involved.
(guardian)