Marriage counseling moves online - Is it a valid option?
When marriage is in trouble, couples have several options for solving differences. Some work out problems themselves. Others turn to friends for advice. Still others use a marriage counselor. Now they have another choice: online marital counseling. Computer program "eHarmony Marriage" helps couples communicate better, rekindle romance, and resolve conflicts, says Les Parrott, who created the program with his wife, Leslie, a marriage therapist. Process begins with a 40-minute questionnaire, and each partner answers separately. Their responses generate a report showing their strengths and weaknesses as a couple.
His Needs, Her Needs - Marital counselor with an insight
Dr. Willard Harley experienced years of failure as a marital counselor. No matter what he did, it did not work. He taught the importance of commitment. He taught them how to communicate. "But I remained a failure." He worked for the most prestigious marital clinic in the Twin Cities that claimed to save 90% of troubled marriages. He found only 10% were saved. Even the clinic's director got divorced... He concluded that "There is a 'Love Bank' account in the name of everyone we encounter. When we associate someone with good feelings, love units are deposited. When we associate that person with bad feelings, love units are withdrawn."
More couples look to pre-marriage relationship advice
Couples are increasingly seeking premarital relationship advice. They're taking courses or meeting with a counselor. They're learning how to avoid potential relationship pitfalls and determining whether they're on the same page about major issues. It's beneficial for couples to determine what their goals and desires are, and to learn what qualities are important to them. Most people learn about marriage from watching their parents' marriages or long-term relationships, modeling their behaviors, both good and bad.
Taking a Marriage in for a tuneup - Marriage therapy changed?
The issues that prompt couples to go to marriage counseling have remained much the same over the decades. But marriage therapy itself has changed a great deal. Consider this advice from the 1950s: Clifford Adams wrote of a woman who saved her marriage by purposely losing to her husband at cards and by pretending ineptitude at household tasks: "Occasionally, she even invented troubles for him to cope with so he would feel needed." Women were encouraged to give "a helpless smile and a shrug of the shoulders," said Stephanie Coontz, author of "Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage."
For men only: Rescue your relationship
So much of counselling and relationship advice is spent telling women how to keep their man that, this time around, Outlook magazine has decided to do things differently. This week counsellors attached give advice to men on how to keep their marriages intact. --- Admit where you have gone wrong: These words can be the most difficult words for men to say, but they must be said. It takes a man to say 'I am sorry,' 'I messed up,' 'Please forgive me'. However, when these words are said from a true heart, the marriage may start to breathe life again.
Couples grappling with infidelity may benefit more from marital therapy
She didn't talk about her feelings until halfway through therapy, when she dropped a bomb: She was having an affair. Her husband was devastated. But as they discussed her confession, the couple began to talk more openly than they had in years. The wife's revelation may have saved the marriage. Couples grappling with infidelity may benefit more from marital therapy than other couples provided that the cheating partner comes clean. Study shows men and women who had had affairs and kept the fact from their spouse failed to make much progress after several months of counseling.